Quitting.

I'm going to quit smoking. Its been 46 hours now since my last cigarrette. This is by no means going to be easy but its about time. I'm 21 and its pretty pathetic that I can't climb a flight of stairs without panting and wheezing. I'm sure the panting and wheezing has to do with my weight gain but I know a lot of it comes from the fact that I inject harmful substances into my lungs. And if I don't quit now I know I won't ever do it and I need to quite smoking! I feel like this is a tortourus breakup with a lover. There are many moments in my day where I just want to run and find a cigarette and put my mouth to its butt. Everytime I see someone with a cigarette its as if I am seeing this ex-lover and half of me is thinking, God how I want you while the other half is greatful the relationship is over. I also have this feeling that I'm never going to get over smoking. Thirty years from now, when I have a beer or a stressful day, am I still going to want to light up?

I've decided I'm going to replace my addiction with the gym and showering. I do shower on a somewhat regular basis as it is but I feel relaxed when I shower so every time I want to smoke, I'm going to take a quick shower. Or go for a quick jog. Which will cause me to shower.... Who knows how this is going to work out.