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As I was contemplating buying an iPod I realized that I feel emptiness in my life. And in an attempt to fill this big void I buy things. Obviously, consuming isn't going to solve any of my problems.

I guess I'm just confused with life. I don't understand what is going on or what I'm supposed to do. I'm constantly doing something and am constantly questioning if that is what I'm supposed to do or if that is the right thing to do. And I'm tired of it.

I'm never going to know if this is the right thing. I'm never going to know what my purpose in life is or what the hell I'm supposed to do. So I guess the only thing I can do is try my hardest and be good at what I'm doing now. Yes I have a dead end job - but I know I'm good at it when I try. Yes, there is no motivation to do good here but if I don't do good then I definately won't go anywhere. And if my calcus professor doesn't want to kick me out of his class then I can't be that dumb. I guess the moral of the story is that my life is only as shitty as I make it.

I'm grateful that I have a job, great friends, a family that loves me, food, shelter, and independence. With all of the problems in the world today my life could be so much worse. And its not. And I'm grateful for that.

I think I'm still going to buy an iPod.