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A friend of mine who was supposed to go join the Peace Corps called me today and updated me on the fact that he isn't going away. He said he wasn't ready for it and, more importantly, couldn't end his relationship with his girlfriend. So, not only did he give up his two year plan, he's also moving cities to move in with his girl. What a keeper. Granted I don't know them that well as a couple, but from what I can see, they seem really happy together and I'm glad that they've found each other.

Is there someone like that out there for me? I know I'm supposed to have faith and know that everything will be ok but its hard to travel along this long barren road for an indefinite period of time. I need trees, and flowers, and birds on my road. Not just cactus and sand.

I want to find someone who I connect with but I have such huge commitment issues. I don't know if its just because I'm thinking about it too much now and when it actually happens I'll jump right in and be fine with it. But currently, I'm dead scared of marriage and commitment (which I suppose is normal at my age). I have no desire to get married because every marriage I have witnessed has been awful and traumatic and also because I'm scared of abandonment. Every time I hear that someone is getting married I can't help but be really skeptical or afraid for them. I do wish them happiness but the whole thing is so damn scary. Will this feeling go away eventually? That is the question...