Happy Thoughts.

I woke up this morning feeling great. Its been such a long time since that has happened. I think everything will be ok.

I went out with some friends last night and was in a really good mood. I don't know what put me in that unusually good mood...it might have just been because I was in the company of men. Don't get me wrong, I'm not the type of person to act totally differently because I'm around men its just that its a welcome change after going to school with women, working with women, and spending most of free time with women. Anyway, I was in a good mood. So I went out to this bar and instead of my usual bitchy demenor where I have a scowl on my face I was in a chipper mood smiling at people and just being nice. It was so nice to see people smile back at me and be friendly back. :)

After talking to different people I've realized that maybe I'm being too hard on myself. Maybe I'm expecting too much from this job. And by too much I mean the impossible. I want from this job what I will probably get from a job ten or fifteen years down the line. In order to get from point A to point B I need to follow the road that connects the two points. I can't just jump to it. That's impossible. I need to realize and accept that entry level jobs aren't fun. Yes I am doing most of the same stuff analysts and other entry level people are doing at top firms but I am not getting the credit of the name. Like someone said last night, its like going to Bryn Mawr or Haverford. You bust your butt doing the same level of work (or maybe even more) and don't get the credit you would for having gone to an Ivy or a school in the top 15 (or in Bryn Mawr's case the top 25). I made it though Bryn Mawr and I'll make it through this.

Whether I like this job or not it is a great opportunity for me to learn. Its just up to me to have that positive attitude and take advantage of this opportunity. If I'm just going to sit on my ass with a sour face I'll get nowhere. So I've decided that during the weekends I'm going to go to the bookstore and look through trade magazines to get further knowledge about the futures industry. And I'll read books to educate myself. If I'm not getting that from my job then its up to me to get it from somewhere else.

Not only do I have to present myself in a positive way I have to show that I did the best I could with the situation I was given. I shouldn't give up everytime I'm dealt a bad card. There will always be bad cards, that is life.

How's that for a positive post?