A Realization.

I've done a lot of thinking this weekend. And I've come to the conclusion that I expect from people what I expect from myself. And I expect a lot from myself. I think I've concluded this before but for some reason it feels different this time. For example I always make the effort to go and visit one of my friends in West Phila. I make the effort to take to El and walk down sketchy Farragut Ave. Yes I think its shady but I think the Northeast is far worse. I didn't even think this was a big deal until I asked her to come out to cc when she said, no I can't take the El back because its dangerous. She's the one who lives in that area! Maybe it was her subtle way of making execuses but I don't understand why this keeps happening to me. I always go out to this bar in West Phila on Thursday nights to meet up with some other folks and they never make the effort to come to cc. I make such a big effort to put myself out there and meet people, keep up relationships, and it always backfires on me. So maybe I just shouldn't put myself out there. Maybe it isn't worth it.

Why is it that people dissappoint me so much? I just don't get it...

In other news my mom has been calling me every day. From Pakistan. She did this when she was in Saudi but then she had an execuse. She didn't have anybody who "understood" her. Now she tells me I don't "understand" her like the people in Pakistan do yet she still calls me every day. And then she's like "what's new". Gee mom, in the last 24 hours nothing much has changed. I don't know why she bothers me so much. Its unhealthy I know. I know I'm overreacting. Its just that she ends up in these situations where she presents herself as being so helpless but she can be in control of the situation if she wishes. Thats the thing with everybody in Saudi and Pakistan. They don't accept that if they want things to change they have to make changes themselves. I think thats why she says I don't "understand" her. Because I tell her that she has to be proactive. And everybody in Pakistan "understands" her because they listen to cry and bitch and moan and complain and tell her everything will be ok. As long as she says this prayer 5m times and blows this prayer on her husband when the moon is half way from this point in the sky. Or if she sleeps with this prayer under the foot her bed for x amount of days. If these things haven't worked and the situation hasn't improved in the past 28+ years what makes her think things will change now? Yes you have to faith but sometimes situations need a swift kick in the balls from time to time.