Reality Bites.

When I was younger I'd look at my parents' jobs and I was proud of my parents. Maybe it was because I was young and at the stage in my life where I revered my parents but I really felt their job(s) made an impact on something pretty big. I won't go so far as to say it made an impact on the world but their job function was pretty damn important to their place of work. And when I was younger I wanted that same thing out my job. I look around at my family and friends now and I see the same thing. Everybody I know is doing something that has a big impact on something. Except me. I feel like I have such a woe-take-pity-on-me attitude about the whole situation but my job is so ordinary. The people I work with are so ordinary. I just can't take it anymore.

Maybe I need to re-evaluate my views on the ordinary and the extraordinary. Maybe I need to realize that being "ordinary" is ok. But if I know there is something amazing out there for me, do I have to settle for the ordinary? If I'm not happy with the current situation there must be something else out there for me. I can't continue living like this.

I just had a very frustrating conversation with the intern. Here are my conclusions:

1) I'm sick of people who think they have me all figured out. I don't think anyone has me all figured out. I don't even think I have myself all figured out.

2) I'm sick of people who think that women who go to BMC went through 4 years of college in sweats or their jammies because there weren't men around. There were more important things for me to worry about then if there was a man in my class or not. And I think the same holds true for many women who went to BMC. And then to go on to say that when I did get dressed up it was because a) there was a man around or b) I was fishing for compliments is absurd! I'm not cocky but I'm self assured enough that I don't need compliments to make myself feel better about myself. Sure, compliments are nice, but I can feel pretty good about myseld without them. And yes, there were a time or two where I did dress up if I was going to be around a cute man but most of the time I dressed up for me. For me. Is that so hard to understand?

For the first time in my life I'm really craving home and my parents. In college I did miss home but what I missed about it was the pool and the sun. Now I actually miss home. Home never had a home-y feel so I think I'm craving the idea of something rather than the thing itself. I really miss my parents too. But they're not the parent-y parents so, again, I think I miss the idea of something rather than the thing itself. Hmm...am I sensing a pattern here?

Reality strikes again!